Self-Control
None of us like to say “no” to ourselves, and that might go double for teenagers. Facing the strongest appetites of their lives, a natural urge toward independence, and pressure from peers to go along with the crowd, the ability to exercise self-control may be one of the most difficult of the wisdom tasks to master.
Our challenge as parents is to help our kids see the great advantages available to those who learn this essential life skill. The power to stop effectively gives the race car driver and the downhill skier the freedom to go faster. The ability to tell her limbs precisely when—and when not to—move gives the dancer and the rock climber the precision to be the best.
Self-control in the more personal areas of our lives—and in our kids’ lives—also makes us stronger, faster, more precise, and more successful in our relationships, in our work, and even in our play.
Our talking points this week come from a collection of proverbs that deal with the wisdom of learning to exercise self-control. Consider reading them as they come up in the questions below. We hope a few of these questions will be helpful in provoking a good conversation about self-control with your child.
Talking Points
- How would you define “self-control”? [Parent: Definitions might include the ability to tell ourselves “no” or to control our emotions and desires when we want to do something we shouldn’t.]
- What are some examples of areas where it’s hard for us to exercise self-control? [Parent: Emphasize things like talking too much, controlling our anger, eating, sexual areas, playing video games, waking up in the morning, etc.]
- Can you think of any famous people who seem to have trouble with self-control? Why do you think even people with so much to lose have trouble saying “no” to themselves?
- What’s your favorite kind of car? How fast do you think you could drive a car like that? How fast would you want to drive that car if you knew it didn’t have brakes?
- So who can go faster—the driver of a car with brakes or without them? Why?
- Self-control in our lives are kind of like brakes. It gives us the power to stop when we need to—and knowing we can stop gives us the ability to do everything faster and with more confidence. Can you think of any other examples where the ability to stop or slow down allows for better performance?
- Everyone can learn self-control, but it’s so important to God that He gives Christians some supernatural help to control ourselves. Let’s read Galatians 5:22-23 together. Why do you think our ability to exercise self-control is so important to God?
- Proverbs 29:11 says, “A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control.” How often do you see people just “let go” of their anger and unleash it in a way that is out of control? Why do you think wisdom says this is unwise?
- What are some ways that we can work on keeping our anger under control?
- Proverbs 21:17 says, “He who loves pleasure will become poor; whoever loves wine and oil will never be rich.” Do you think this means its wrong to enjoy pleasure—things that feel good?
- What’s the difference between enjoying pleasurable things like good food and music and laughing and sex (for married people)—and living for those things because you “love” them? Do you think we can exercise self-control in what we choose to love or live for?
- Proverbs 18:13 says, “He who answers before listening—that is his folly and his shame.” How hard is it for us to control the words we choose to let come out of our mouths? Can you think of any examples where you wished you had said “no” to your words before you let them go?
- What’s one area of self-control you could work on this week?
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