Responding to Sadness
We know days or even seasons of sadness can be par for all of us, but that doesn’t make it easier to watch our kids struggle with loneliness or depression or “the blues.” And those kinds of feelings are a lot more common this time of year—maybe especially this year.
It’s already been a long winter in many parts of the country—and it’s not over, yet. But Christmas is, and any new excitement from getting back into the school routine has likely worn off. Add to that the continuing financial concerns for many families and the empathy generated by the coverage of the Haiti earthquake—and there are good reasons to be sad.
And that list doesn’t include whatever unique situations your family or child is facing this week. We thought it might be a good time to find an opportunity to talk with our kids about how we can respond to feeling sad. To that end, we’re pulling our talking points from Psalm 42, the famous poem about the psalmist’s downcast soul and his stubborn refusal to quit praising God.
We suggest reading it with your child, if you get the chance, and building from some of the questions below to get into a talk about coping with—and even thriving in—sadness.
Talking Points
- Do you feel lonely or sad very often? If so, do you know what usually makes you feel that way? [Parent: Think about opening up with your child about reasons you might feel sad sometimes—or even feeling sad sometimes without understanding why.]
- Do you think feeling lonely or sad means there’s something wrong with you? [Parent: Emphasize that this is not the case.]
- How do you tend to respond to feeling sad? What kinds of things do you try to do when you feel that way to help you feel better? What works best for you?
- When you feel sad or depressed or lonely, are you ever afraid to talk about how you’re feeling? Why do you think we don’t always want to talk about it when we feel that way?
- Who are some people in your life that you like to talk to when you’re feeling down or sad? How does talking about it help, if it does?
- Do you have any favorite sad songs? Does listening to music help you to express or deal with feeling down? How so?
- Psalm 42 is a song written about a time when the psalmist was feeling really down. Some hard things were going on in his life; he couldn’t get to the temple, apparently. He describes himself as being lonely for or missing God. Do you ever feel lonely for God?
- What kinds of things would make us feel far away from God, even though we know He is still with us and loves us? [Parent: Some people feel far from God when they can’t understand why He would let bad things happen or when they were indulging in sinful choices they know don’t please him. Just two examples.]
- What are ways we can move closer to God or ask Him to move closer to us? [Parent: Think about reading or talking about James 4:7-10.]
- God does move closer to us. And His spirit it with us. But have we truly ever been with God, yet? When will that happen? [Parent: Emphasize that we as humans have not been able to be with God in person since Adam and Eve left the garden. That causes a kind of emptiness or sense that something is missing. Being with Him in person is what we’re waiting for in eternity. See Romans 8:18-25 and Revelation 21:1-4.]
- The psalmist describes his sadness, including crying night and day, having trouble sleeping, and feeling downcast. Does it surprise you that someone writing in the Bible felt that much sadness? Do you think this person was depressed?
- Why do you think some people think that being sad means they are doing something wrong—or that God doesn’t like them as much? What’s wrong with that idea?
- Although it’s normal for anyone to go through sad seasons, it is not as normal to respond to sadness the way the writer describes in his song. First, he tells the truth about how really sad he is. Why do you think it’s hard for us to be honest with ourselves about feeling down?
- Why is it important for us to be able to admit to ourselves that we feel sad?
- Second, the writer told his “soul” how to respond to the sadness. He got stubborn. He said to himself: “Put your hope in God for I will yet praise him.” Do you think people feel more or less like praising God when they are sad?
- How hard is it to get stubborn in our sadness and keep praising God? How important do you think it is?
- Do you think praising God when we’re sad will instantly take our sadness away? [Parent: Probably not, but it is a way of moving closer to God—and God does comfort us through His Spirit. Praising God can help—and it is the right thing to do—but it doesn’t necessarily “fix” our sadness.]
- How can our family better help each other when one of us is feeling sad? How can we talk better about sadness?
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